


Come Home to Me

by Misagi



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M, idk if there's going to be a happy ending, lots and lots of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-06
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-04-19 11:19:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4744364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misagi/pseuds/Misagi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur’s fingers clenched tightly as he felt Merlin try to carefully leave the bed, every other night Merlin would slip out of bed and out of the flat they shared. Arthur had been waiting for Merlin to tell him where he’s going, to put Arthur’s worries to rest. He didn’t want to believe Merlin was cheating, he didn’t want to believe that Merlin, wonderful, beautiful Merlin would cheat on him like he has been. But what other explanation could there be? Every time he would come back smelling of a different man, cigarettes, alcohol, always something. Arthur didn’t know how much longer he could stand it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Come Home to Me

Arthur’s fingers clenched tightly as he felt Merlin try to carefully leave the bed, every other night Merlin would slip out of bed and out of the flat they shared. Arthur had been waiting for Merlin to tell him where he’s going, to put Arthur’s worries to rest. He didn’t want to believe Merlin was cheating, he didn’t want to believe that Merlin, wonderful, beautiful Merlin would cheat on him like he has been. But what other explanation could there be? Every time he would come back smelling of a different man, cigarettes, alcohol, always something. Arthur didn’t know how much longer he could stand it. During the day Merlin carried on as if nothing was happening, he kept the dazzling smile on his face, he was just as loving with Arthur as ever and if Arthur was a heavier sleeper he would never have known.

The first time it happened, Arthur had woken up and in his groggy half-asleep state Merlin had shushed him back to sleep, telling him he was only popping to the toilet. The second time, he was getting the glass of water. The third, he thought he heard a noise in the flat. The fourth time Arthur pretended he hadn’t woken, Merlin had hesitated at the end of the bed and Arthur could feel his eyes on him before his boyfriend left.

That night, Arthur held his breath until he heard the faint click of the front door and let it out on a sob. He curled into himself and wondered why he was no longer good enough for Merlin. What was he lacking? Was he doing something wrong? If so why didn’t Merlin just talk to him about it? Why didn’t he sit him down and just tell him he wasn’t happy with the relationship? The blonde buried his face into the pillow and cried himself to sleep, he hardly stirred when Merlin slipped back into the covers a few hours later. This time smelling of alcohol.

The following moths, Arthur hardly ate, hardly slept. He couldn’t concentrate at work and he was reprimanded more than once by Leon, his boss, for losing focus and not getting enough work done. All he could do was apologise and promise to do better. In the evenings while he waited for Merlin to come home, he would sit and stare blankly at the tv, not paying attention to what was going on. Merlin had started picking up the late shifts at the restaurant he worked at, but Arthur found he couldn’t bring himself to believe that any more. There was no way Merlin worked every day from 7 in the morning until 9 at night without a break. At first Arthur believed the lie that they were short-staffed and there was no one else to cover, but a whole two months later and still no new staff? Arthur could only laugh at his stupidity. He didn’t want to doubt Merlin, his heart felt heavy with the thought that the one man he trusted more than anyone would do this to him, but he couldn’t see anything else that it could be. 

He sighed and his head fell back onto the sofa, the flat was silent apart from the drone of the tv and he was surprised to hear the door open and Merlin’s stumbling footsteps. He frowned a little but didn’t move from the sofa, he only turned when he felt Merlin’s weight dip the sofa. “For once I got to leave early, they finally got someone in to cover the late shift.” Merlin laughed and curled up next to Arthur, not noticing the blonde’s muscles tense a little at the contact. “Some guy called Mordred joined last week, but they had to give him the proper training or whatever before I could stop. So, what are we going to do with all my free time?” 

Merlin’s large, blue eyes looked up at Arthur and he couldn’t even muster a response, instead he rose from the sofa and headed towards the small kitchen. “I don’t know about you but I’m starving.” He opened the fridge door and blinked away the tears, so Merlin was no longer going to be working late, which still didn’t explain his leaving late at night when he thought Arthur was sleeping. He jumped slightly at the sound of Merlin’s voice from behind him. “Found anything yet, Arthur?” 

“Not yet.”

There was a pause and Merlin took a step back, Arthur could feel his eyes searching his face and he stood, his face as casual as he could make it. “Is everything okay? You look like you’ve lost a bit of weight.” 

Arthur’s hand tightened on the fridge door, suddenly angry. So angry. “So, what, I’m fat now? Am I not good enough? Am I not making you happy anymore Merlin? Maybe I should skip the food and just go straight to bed.” He slammed the fridge door and stormed off, not seeing the hurt and stunned look on his partner’s face.

Arthur threw himself onto the shared bed and took deep breaths, no longer able to hold back his tears. Huge, gut-wrenching sobs escaped him and he couldn’t bring himself to care that Merlin heard him. After all, it was Merlin’s fault he’d worked himself into this state. He didn’t hear the bedroom door open but he felt the bed dip and Merlin’s warm, slender fingers smoothing his hair. “Arthur what’s wrong? You now you can talk to me.” Merlin shifted on the bed and Arthur foolishly let the man pull him into his arms, finding comfort from the one giving him pain. “I’m sorry if my teasing has got to you so much, you know I never mean it, right? We argue all the time but I never thought you took it so seriously. I’m sorry, Arthur. You know I love you, I love you so much.” Merlin’s voice cracked at the end and Arthur felt the arms tighten around him as Merlin’s small frame shook with tears. They clung to each other, holding on as if their lives depended on it, not wanting to let go but at the same time not being able to stand the agony of the other. 

Arthur woke to an empty bed and his body felt as if the world was weighing it down, his eyes were sore and he didn’t have a tear left to cry, no matter how much he wanted to. Merlin had left him. Again. Off to be with another man that was so much better than him, so much more worthy than Arthur ever would be. How could he ever think that someone as stunning as Merlin would give him even so much as a second glance? He was just someone to keep the man company until Merlin found another person to love.

He rolled out of bed and landed in a heap on the floor, the sheets tangled around his legs, he sighed and wriggled until he was free. He hauled himself to his feet and stumbled out the room to be greeted with a dark, silent apartment. He fumbled his way to the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face, his eyes red-rimmed, and his cheeks sunken. No wonder Merlin didn’t want him any more. He made a face at his reflection and sank to the floor, no longer having the energy to move.

That was how Merlin found him, four hours later, just as the sun was beginning to rise. Arthur’s whole body was numb and he barely registered Merlin’s presence, nor his frantic shouting for him to look at him, to stay with him. He was vaguely aware of being half carried, half dragged to their room and as his body hit the bed he could see Merlin above him. Tears falling down his cheeks. Funny, they looked almost as sunken as Arthurs, his eyes bloodshot and swollen. Arthur frowned and reached up, since when did his Merlin look so thin and tired. Since when did the beautiful man look so ruined? “Merlin?” 

The raven haired man smiled a watery smile and pressed Arthur’s hand to his face. When did his cheekbones become so pronounced? They’d always been sharp but never like this, Arthur’s hand always curved perfectly around them, now he felt as if he was merely touching bone. “Arthur please, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” The blonde’s heart sank at the desperate plea and he pulled Merlin down to him, holding him close as they once again cried, curled around each other and this time Arthur would not let Merlin go.

~

Merlin felt Arthur’s iron grip around him and he wanted so desperately to stay there, to never move and just lie like this, trapped in Arthur’s arms forever because he needed Arthur to hold him. To keep him there and not let him go. He didn’t want to go, he didn’t want to leave Arthur. Not now and not ever. And yet…

~

The alarm blaring woke Arthur, letting him know it was time to get out of bed and get to work, the short reprieve of the weekend over. He slammed his hand down over the infernal thing and he dragged himself out of bed, going almost on autopilot as he got himself ready. He didn’t even notice that Merlin was sat in the living room, his hands clasped tightly in his lap as he stared down at them, just as unaware of Arthur. 

The day passed in a blur and soon Arthur found himself heading home, the sun already setting, the winter air biting at his cheeks. No, not home, he reminded himself. It hadn’t felt like a home in a long while. He sighed and let his head droop as he came to a stop on the path, not wanting to return to an empty flat once again while he waited for Merlin. He was always waiting. He looked up as he heard shouting from the road in front of him and his eyes widened in shock as he saw Merlin. But there was another man. Another man shoving at Merlin and shouting, trying to get him away. Arthur vaguely wondered if he should be feeling something at the sight, his Merlin desperately trying to get to the other man, was it some kind of lover’s tiff? He felt a small smile tug at his lips at the thought, he and Merlin hadn’t argued like that in a while, not since Merlin started working late, but then Merlin was finishing at a more normal time now. Maybe they could argue again, get each other so wound up that it ended in fantastic angry, make-up sex and even better snuggling afterwards.

The two men stopped arguing and Merlin reached out to put his hand on the other’s arm, his face pleading and Arthur could see in the orange glow of the street lights that he was crying. Arthur’s feet, as if of their own accord, began to walk towards the two. His hands limp at his sides, his whole body no longer feeling the cold as he approached them, finally hearing their argument. “You need to stop, Will. Please. Please, Will. Just go home, don’t do this anymore, okay?”

The other man, Will, merely shook his head and pulled away. “You know it’s not that easy, Merls. You know it’s not.” 

“Will please. I’m here for you, I’m not leaving you so please. Please just do this for me.”

Will’s face scrunched up and he was about to reply when he spotted Arthur stood just a few feet away, Merlin noticed the pause and followed his gaze. Arthur saw as any colour that remained in Merlin’s face drained away. “Arthur. Arthur what are you doing here?”

The blonde shrugged and wondered why he couldn’t be more angry or upset or just something more with the situation. “I’m on my way home from work, Merlin.” Merlin’s lips formed into an ‘o’ and he cleared his throat, his hands twisting together, Arthur knew him well enough to know Merlin did this when he felt pressured. Or when he was trying to think of a lie. Arthur plastered a smile on his face, he knew Merlin didn’t believe it for a second. “I’ll put some pasta on or something. I’ll see you at home.” Arthur turned and walked as quickly as he could away from the situation. He didn’t understand what Merlin and Will had been talking about, but he knew he’d just seen the face of the man Merlin had been leaving him for.  
Arthur didn’t even go to the kitchen, he headed straight for the bedroom and grabbed a weekend bag. He threw a few clothes in there and looked around the room, his chest felt tight but he was no longer happy, Merlin was clearly no longer happy so what was the point in continuing like everything was okay. This charade they had been playing for too long, it was tearing Arthur up inside and he was done playing. He needed to leave, to breathe some fresh air and get away from the relationship that had fallen apart before his eyes and he’d done nothing to stop it. He hadn’t even confronted Merlin, nor fought to keep him. Arthur was useless and Merlin was clearly better off without him.

~

Merlin returned home, his body bone-tired and all he wanted was to cuddle with Arthur on the sofa like they used to but as he opened the door he knew something was wrong. The flat was too quiet. Even though most times when Merlin came home it was to find the flat quiet, and a sad, lost looking Arthur sat on the couch. Merlin pretended he didn’t see it. Pretended like everything was still okay. He knew Arthur was awake every time he left, he knew Arthur knew but he was too much of a coward to bring it up. He fell to his knees in the doorway and fell back against the frame. The silence was not the same. He knew Arthur had gone. He’d let the one good thing in his life slip through his fingers because he was too scared to be honest. Too frightened that Arthur would no longer want him if he knew the truth but now it was too late anyway. Arthur had gone. Merlin was alone.

~

It was a whole month later that Arthur saw Merlin again, he’d been staying at Gwaine’s house. He knew he was intruding, but he didn’t have anywhere else to go. His flat with Merlin was everything he had, he hadn’t even gone back for more clothes, he just borrowed some of Gwaine’s when all his others were in the wash. He quit his job and just hung around the house all day, it had been a month of this when Gwaine had had enough and dragged him out for some fresh air and coffee.

They sat together in a small café and Gwaine just drummed a steady rhythm on his mug, not bothering to engage Arthur in conversation as he knew that even agreeing to go out was a step in the right direction and he didn’t want to push it. 

It was the stiffening of Gwaine’s shoulders that got Arthur’s attention, he turned to follow his friend’s gaze and saw Merlin walking into the café, looking thinner than ever but there was a smile on his face as he looked at the man he was with. Will. Arthur’s mind spat the name and he turned around, staring down at the table. “Arthur, mate, I’m sorry. I didn’t know he’d show up here. I thought it was out of the way enough-“

“It’s fine.” Arthur clenched his teeth and slowly rose from his seat. “I’m going back now, thanks for the coffee.” He kept his head down but felt his eyes following Merlin as he sat opposite Will and reached across to take his hands. Arthur felt his stomach roll and he raced outside and found himself on his knees outside, bringing up the coffee and the meagre amount of food he’d eaten. Gwaine was right there with him and rubbing small circles on his lower back, not saying anything but his hand was a small comfort. 

When they got back to Gwaine’s, the brunette instantly went on a rant about how terrible Merlin was and how could he do such a thing, but Arthur just shut him out. He sat down on the sofa and folded his hands in his lap, staring in front of him, Gwaine’s voice just a noise in the background. He didn’t even realise he was crying until he felt his friend put an arm around him and tell him it was okay to let it all out, to cry as much as he needed.

~

Merlin had only seen a glimpse of blonde out of the corner of his eye but he knew it was Arthur, he turned and saw the man running from the café. His words died in his mouth as he saw Gwaine run after him. His throat tightened up and he apologised to Will before following the two out of the café, but by the time he got out all he saw was the two getting into Gwaine’s car and driving off. He knew where Gwaine lived, he knew he could go round there and apologise to Arthur, apologise for letting their relationship fall apart. He knew it was his fault, he was still just too scared to tell Arthur everything despite the man having left him and clearly no longer wanting him. He sighed and went back inside, he didn’t look at Will, he couldn’t stand to see the pitying look on his face.

~

After three months of Arthur practically wasting away, Gwaine put a stop to it. He threw open the door to the spare room and ripped the cover’s from Arthur’s body. “You will get out of bed and end this now. He is not worth all of this. He is not worth you ruining your life over. You will find someone else, there are millions of people out there, Merlin isn’t and won’t be the only one. Now get up and get dressed, I’ve put up with this bullshit from you for long enough.” Gwaine took a deep breath and crouched down so he was at eye-level with his friend. “Please don’t give up like this.”

Arthur met his friends eyes and knew he was right, he shouldn’t let himself fall apart so completely. Gwaine was a good friend and a great comfort, but not like Merlin. Gwaine was wrong. Merlin was the only one for him and what do you do when your whole world is suddenly turned upside down and you have nothing to bring you back again. He sighed and allowed Gwaine to help get him back, even if his world was still off-kilter, maybe he could do this. He accepted the clothes Gwaine handed him and went to shower, he let the scalding water prickle his skin and he felt the grime of not washing for days sliding from his skin. He stood like that, letting the water run down his body, as he tried to sort his jumbled mind. 

He could never picture a life without Merlin, and yet here he was, struggling along without him. Trying to find his place again, trying to work out where everything went so wrong and yet not wanting to think about it anymore. He knew he had to move on, to stop letting Merlin get in the way of a life he was no longer part of. But it was never that simple, never that easy to leave his old life behind and start living a new one. Arthur stepped out of the shower and took a deep breath, he could hear Gwaine in the kitchen, whistling tunelessly. His life would never be perfect, not like it was, but maybe it was too good to last. Like they say, all good things must come to an end. He’d taken for granted that Merlin would be his forever.

As he stepped out of the bathroom Gwaine was waiting for him with a mug of steaming tea and a packet of biscuits in the other. “Come on mate, let’s watch some rubbish tv and then head out for a few drinks later, yeah?”  
Arthur accepted the mug of tea and nodded slowly. “Yeah. Okay. Let’s do that.”  
Gwaine smiled at him and with a quick shake of the biscuits he was marching to the living room. “Better hurry or all these will be gone before you even sit your ass on the sofa.” For the first time in a long time a genuine laugh bubbled up in Arthur’s throat and he let out a breathy laugh before slowly making his way over to Gwaine.

**Author's Note:**

> soooo...this happened  
> i don't know...  
> hope you liked it?
> 
> apologies for any mistakes, please do point them out if you notice any
> 
> i'm leaving it as complete for now, not sure if i will add more or not yet


End file.
